Ok, so my life has been pretty hectic lately. I wont lie. Things with work are on the brink of falling apart and my health suuuuuuuucks. Thankfully, the one thing I don't have at the moment is marriage problems.
It's hard to openly talk about and its embarassing, but let me break it down for you:
I'm overweight, diabetic, have psoriasis in multiple spots, I swear I'm allergic to Oklahoma air (I made a funny), have high blood pressure, and I was recently told I have Diabetic Gastroparesis. Now this latest diagnosis is why I feel like my life is falling apart. It's like there's no light at the end of the freaking tunnel and I can't win! Being overweight is nothing new to me, been that way most of my life and its just how I'm built. No, I'm not saying I'm 100% okay with that but sometimes it's not as easy as just changing your diet and being active. I don't give a rat's ass what anyone says about that one! I would like to eventually lose a little bit of weight, but I actually like having a few extra pounds. Besides, there are plenty of overweight people out there who have/do live very full and HEALTHY lives. Also, being diabetic isn't really anything new to me either. I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic at the young age of 13. I wouldn't say I was in denial (as some family likes to claim), I just didn't care then. I had more important things to care about! Or so I thought... I do wish I had taken it more seriously back then, but I also partially blame the doctors I had for where I'm at today. Just to have it said though, I do not put full blame on the doctors. I don't discredit some of their attempts to try to make me understand how serious diabeties is, but they just didn't show me enough of how serious it was. Enough to get through this thick noggin of mine! They took basic common knowledge of the risks that come with having diabeties, but I just feel they should have done more. I mean sure, who WANTS to lose a limb and is okay with the idea? I'm surely not, but its something you can live without. There are far worse complications than being without a limb, in my opinion. If they had told me then that I could have the things I have today (mostly the gastroparesis), I would have taken it more seriously. For those of you that know nothing about D.G., it involves a lot of vomiting, heartburn, erratic sugar levels, and among other things. Diabetics run a high risk of nerve damage, called neuropathy. D.G. occurs when there is damage to the vagus nerve, which is responsible for the emptying of your stomach in the digestion process. If there is damage to this nerve then your digestion of food becomes "sluggish" or stops altogether, causing the food to build up and/or come back up. In my case, its the latter because of the severity of it. This doesn't occur every time I eat (luckily), but when it does start happening it gets to the point that I can't keep liquids or solids down and then Im vomiting for days. I can't even begin to explain how miserable that is! Hence the work trouble. The last couple of months I have had to call out, go in late, or rearrange days of work a LOT. I'm so lucky and appreciative that my boss hasn't let me go yet! Aaron and I are in the process of discussing our options, one of which includes me taking time off from working to fully concentrate on my health. It seems that no matter how hard I try to make progress on getting things under control, I end up taking 4 steps backwards. Something else is always popping up. I feel so so anxious all the time, like I'm-about-to-have-a-stroke kind of anxious. And angry... boy do I feel angry. I'm a good person and I have my faults, but I just don't deserve most of this, and certainly not all at one time. You always hear that saying "bad things happen to good people" and always wonder why. Well, I'd love an answer to that right about now. Now I know some of you are thinking that I did this to myself, that I have no one else to blame, and thats probably mostly true. However, that doesn't make it any easier to go through/deal with and support is always in need. I also know that typing this up make come off as a little pointless, but its an outlet for me to vent, to let it all out. Also, I think part of me wants to raise awareness in my own small way? Maybe some of you reading this know people in similar situations or going through the same things as I am? You could now possibly have a slightly better understanding for it. I don't know if that makes sense to y'all, but it makes sense to me.
I'll sign off with this: Again, this is my place to express myself. I'm not looking for harsh words or criticism. I'm looking for either silent understanding or supportive words. Basically, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Thanks for taking your time to read this!
-Amanda
I'm overweight, diabetic, have psoriasis in multiple spots, I swear I'm allergic to Oklahoma air (I made a funny), have high blood pressure, and I was recently told I have Diabetic Gastroparesis. Now this latest diagnosis is why I feel like my life is falling apart. It's like there's no light at the end of the freaking tunnel and I can't win! Being overweight is nothing new to me, been that way most of my life and its just how I'm built. No, I'm not saying I'm 100% okay with that but sometimes it's not as easy as just changing your diet and being active. I don't give a rat's ass what anyone says about that one! I would like to eventually lose a little bit of weight, but I actually like having a few extra pounds. Besides, there are plenty of overweight people out there who have/do live very full and HEALTHY lives. Also, being diabetic isn't really anything new to me either. I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic at the young age of 13. I wouldn't say I was in denial (as some family likes to claim), I just didn't care then. I had more important things to care about! Or so I thought... I do wish I had taken it more seriously back then, but I also partially blame the doctors I had for where I'm at today. Just to have it said though, I do not put full blame on the doctors. I don't discredit some of their attempts to try to make me understand how serious diabeties is, but they just didn't show me enough of how serious it was. Enough to get through this thick noggin of mine! They took basic common knowledge of the risks that come with having diabeties, but I just feel they should have done more. I mean sure, who WANTS to lose a limb and is okay with the idea? I'm surely not, but its something you can live without. There are far worse complications than being without a limb, in my opinion. If they had told me then that I could have the things I have today (mostly the gastroparesis), I would have taken it more seriously. For those of you that know nothing about D.G., it involves a lot of vomiting, heartburn, erratic sugar levels, and among other things. Diabetics run a high risk of nerve damage, called neuropathy. D.G. occurs when there is damage to the vagus nerve, which is responsible for the emptying of your stomach in the digestion process. If there is damage to this nerve then your digestion of food becomes "sluggish" or stops altogether, causing the food to build up and/or come back up. In my case, its the latter because of the severity of it. This doesn't occur every time I eat (luckily), but when it does start happening it gets to the point that I can't keep liquids or solids down and then Im vomiting for days. I can't even begin to explain how miserable that is! Hence the work trouble. The last couple of months I have had to call out, go in late, or rearrange days of work a LOT. I'm so lucky and appreciative that my boss hasn't let me go yet! Aaron and I are in the process of discussing our options, one of which includes me taking time off from working to fully concentrate on my health. It seems that no matter how hard I try to make progress on getting things under control, I end up taking 4 steps backwards. Something else is always popping up. I feel so so anxious all the time, like I'm-about-to-have-a-stroke kind of anxious. And angry... boy do I feel angry. I'm a good person and I have my faults, but I just don't deserve most of this, and certainly not all at one time. You always hear that saying "bad things happen to good people" and always wonder why. Well, I'd love an answer to that right about now. Now I know some of you are thinking that I did this to myself, that I have no one else to blame, and thats probably mostly true. However, that doesn't make it any easier to go through/deal with and support is always in need. I also know that typing this up make come off as a little pointless, but its an outlet for me to vent, to let it all out. Also, I think part of me wants to raise awareness in my own small way? Maybe some of you reading this know people in similar situations or going through the same things as I am? You could now possibly have a slightly better understanding for it. I don't know if that makes sense to y'all, but it makes sense to me.
I'll sign off with this: Again, this is my place to express myself. I'm not looking for harsh words or criticism. I'm looking for either silent understanding or supportive words. Basically, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Thanks for taking your time to read this!
-Amanda
You should go write a book! Wait.. you just did.. haha jk :p
ReplyDeleteI know you've been going through a lot lately.. more than most people could handle. I don't know if I could have handled all of that, to be honest. But you have handled it very well. And I just want to say I'm proud of you for taking all of this like a champ. You can and will make it through this.. you are one of the strongest people I know.. and that's one of the many reasons why I love you! <3
Stop it, you'll make me cry -hand flip-
ReplyDeleteLOL. Thanks girl, hearing that means a lot and it definitely helps in boosting morale/motivation. I may not choose the same route that you took or others are taking, but this is going to be a huge life change for me as well.. and its nice to have people like you in my life helping me along the way. I love you to death and dont know what I would do without you!
Just saw your reply.. eight days later.. lol. But noooo problem :) I don't know what I'd do without you either <3
ReplyDelete